The New Vernacular: Conan and the future of television

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Mike Westling
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Monday, May 23, 2005

Conan and the future of television

First his show was broadcast in high definition, now Conan is using his superior knowledge of the television industry to predict what the future will hold for tv and the population of Earth.

Twenty-four-hour news channels, desperate for even more coverage, will conspire with NASA to alter Earth's orbit, creating a 25-hour day. Fox News's attempt to create a 26th hour will result in volcanic eruptions, and Bill O'Reilly will perish in a lava flow.

In an effort to bring Red and Blue states together, one giant plasma screen, four miles high, will rise from the central Plains, visible from both coasts. In accordance with the amended Constitution, the president will be the only one with the authority to touch the remote, which a nearby Marine will carry in a briefcase.

Newsweek Article: The Future of Television

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